2:23. A thought on Hallucinations.

I take my headphone off as I find myself listening to this newly-found song for over an hour and going places while lying in this dark room at 2:23 in the morning. “Someone slowly walks by and the passing car’s sound elapses in the distance just like it was on yesterday or the day before. Like I am entangled in a loop of time.” I think to myself. Radonitsa as the track is called. A blend of ambient and folk. From “No Time To Hurry“, an album off a Russian ambient musician Foresteppe. I forsake the urge to sleep as it isn’t going to ensue anytime soon and decide to tramp. As i get past the silhouettes in the living room and open the door of the balcony I see the soft beam of a curved moon lights up the porch. I settle into an armchair. The annoyance and hardship of not being able to rest for days obliterates as soon as the tints of the moon and millions of stars shine upon my weary eyes and I doze off unknowingly into the armchair.

Here, I float; it’s voicing; “at length and dead horse.” A wide landscape flushed with grass. All green, moist, befogged and hazy. It’s the heaviest rain mother nature has just cast ashore on its soil probably for a last time forever ago and left for no good. Everything that remains is a ghost of her. This landscape has been intercepted while still; cohabiting. Every shred of memories that it has belongs to her or they were just fables that became memories aeons ago, surreptitiously. I look back and there I sleep in the armchair and then I look ahead and begin to move towards inferno.

Radonitsa , as the meaning enunciates, The Day of Rejoicing, also spelled RadunitsaRadonica, or Radunica, in the Russian Orthodox Church is a commemoration of the departed happens to take place on the second Tuesday of Pascha (Easter) or, in some places (in south-west Russia), on the second Monday of Pascha. The Tuesday of St. Thomas Week, according to the order instituted by the Holy Fathers, the people call to remembrance, in Paschal joy, all those who have died from the beginning of the ages in faith and in the hope of resurrection and life eternal.

“Today, the faithful departed are remembered in Divine Liturgies, ‘koliva*’ is prepared and blessed in the churches in memory of those who have fallen asleep, and the Orthodox graves in cemeteries are blessed by the priests and visited by the faithful. On this day alms are given to the poor. Furthermore, it should be noted that due to the great spiritual joy this jubilant commemoration bears, it is called in the Slavonic tongue, ‘Radonitsa,’ or Day of Rejoicing.”

*Koliva – a dish based on boiled wheat.



All Is Vanity by C. Allan Gilbert, suggesting an intertwining between life and death.

Emil Holárek - And Forgive Us Our Sins, c. 1900

Emil Holárek – And Forgive Us Our Sins, c. 1900

Nevertheless apart from death, is there more to departure? Not only the death of the loved ones and beings but also the elevating selves. The thousands of transcended selves that can never be acquired again. Everything we are and have been witnessing is becoming a part of something bigger and making its place in the record. They are there, in our minds, coming out at times. So in a way they aren’t departed; rather they have dozed off and in some instances manifested as well. Perhaps stuck and unable to form anything new, ripen and be formed.

Autumn or fall, astronomically resides from the September equinox to the December solstice in the north hemisphere and from the March equinox to the June solstice in the south hemisphere, is different than the rest of the seasons and just like any other seasons, different. It marks the transition from summer to winter. The time of the year when the deciduous trees molt their leaves.


autumn 1.png

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But what has made Autumn so special is that it’s often been associated with melancholia and gloom.


autumn 3

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source: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/autumn-sad-season-of-sensations-2126714.html


Autumn defrays the perfect tenderness in it. It unravels the unseen and unspoken and brings life to the selves that were once put into slumber aeons ago. As Friedrich Nietzsche has said in his book: The Birth of Tragedy – “Men of philosophy even have a sense that beneath the reality in which we live there is hidden a second, quite different world, and that our own world is therefore an illusion;” It’s a kind of psychosis (an abnormal condition of the mind that results in difficulties determining what is real and what is not) that becomes more or less evident in Autumn. The sense of illusion becomes way more vibrant to some people. The first occurrence of mist in a cold morning where the sunshine becomes less sharp reminds them about the quiescence of winter. A good time to commit spiritual mysticism in order to unite with the immemorial.

Mysticism is the practice of religious ecstasies that is the experience of an inner vision of God or of one’s relation to or union with the divine. To the Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite in the 5th century and the anonymous author of the Cloud of Unknowing in the 14th century the most desirable mystical perception was nothingness. However, after the Romantic movement the competition between theology and science resulted in dismissing mysticism as a merely psychological phenomena, rather the unity or oneness was claimed to be the genuine mysticism.

However, mystics do not really experience or perceive an objectively existing unity; rather they formulate their own experiential unities in different ways. The cohesion of selves in nothingness is what makes mysticism more genuine than any notion. The idea of oneness itself  has many interpretation in Christianity and Hinduism. Some authors emphasize that mystical experience involves intuitive understanding of the meaning of existence and of hidden truths, and the resolution of life problems and it goes beyond the modern definition of mysticism.



John Atkinson Grimshaw – At The Park Gate

John Atkinson Grimshaw In Autumn's Golden Glow

John Atkinson Grimshaw – In Autumn’s Golden Glow

John Atkinson Grimshaw Autumn

John Atkinson Grimshaw – Grimshaw Autumn


John Atkinson Grimshaw – De londres , Palio Centro comercial , y santo James Calle


So, What exactly is the union with the absolute in mysticism? is it something that a painter knows the better? Or, in other words is an artist a bigger mystic? A true artist perceives an ordinary subject and transforms it into something extraordinary. The fact that Nothing goes beyond our perception limits the idea of the absolute. The idea of a heaven or hell is something that we can only and have already imagine and imagined and nothing beyond that, not yet. Likewise only an artist is able to transform an ordinary subject into something entirely absolute. Namely, every work of John Atkinson Grimshaw gives the perfect sense of entirety and competence. They are the ideas of perfect utopias or dystopias or sometimes go beyond these emotional binaries. And it’s, to me, the ultimate unity with the absolute.

However, the phenomena of detachment with one’s own body is merely an example of something divine or demonic anymore, rather its among the most common mental diseases such as anxiety or depression. It’s something known as depersonalization. It is a combination of physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts which lead someone to feel so disengaged from one’s surroundings and make him/her/they/them wonder whether or not they are actually in their body.

“Disturbing sense of being ‘separate from oneself’, observing oneself as if from outside, feeling like a robot or automaton”

There are other causes as well where the patient might feel almost similar upshots as depersonalization. Namely psychosis where the patient loses touch with reality and see, hear, or believe things that aren’t real. Sometimes the abuse of alcohol or drugs like marijuana, methamphetamine, LSD, or DMT and other times mental illnesses like schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, brief psychotic disorder, bipolar disorder, sleep deprivation, some medical conditions, certain medications can cause psychosis. Traumas during childhood increases the risk of developing psychosis as well as some normal brief hallucinations like hypnagogic or hypnopompic hallucinations  can cause it too.

The inferno that i was heading towards is just a yellow room now where I have been listening to this newly-found song for over an hour and going places while lying in this dark room around 2:23 in the morning.



6 thoughts on “2:23. A thought on Hallucinations.

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